Fences Between Us

There’s a fence between us and I want to knock it down,

I miss you.

I can see you between the spaces, but I can’t touch you,

I long to hold you.

You can see me, but you can’t hear me, the weather is cloudy and dark,

I want to talk to you.

Our whole marriage has felt like a waiting game, these fences keep coming between something…a new place to live, a new home, a new job, our future,

I want to smell the cologne on your neck.

Another fence sits before me now and I want to knock it down.

I love you.

kms

Daddy Doll

Ha Ha!  Apparently, you had to go to the bathroom because this is where I found you tonight on our daily "hunt for Daddy" at bedtime.  I love how you are always lovingly covered up by her other "precious"--towel.

PS. If anyone wants one, here's where we got him:  https://www.daddydolls.com

Little Weed

Oh, Little Weed, how you grow so fast,
In spite of Daddy's wish to make childhood last
Your legs are sprouting beneath your pajamas,
as you morph into a mini version of Momma.
Our credit card is aflame just keeping up 
seems like just yesterday when we had to pick you up!

kms

Grieving isn't easy...

I took this photo of my dad only 7 months ago, at my nephew's high school graduation.  He sits next to my brother, a man who grew up to call Dad his best friend.  At the time, we didn't know how sick he really was, how soon he would leave us and how much we would cherish moments like this as we look back.  Grieving isn't easy.  The ache in my heart hits me hard and very randomly.  I often hear his voice in my head, mostly his laugh, the way he answered the phone "Yellow!",  his closing, "I love you, Baby" and his wonderful bear hugs.  He wasn't perfect, we had many moments that were frustrating and annoying but they were trivial and quickly forgiven and forgotten.  God, I hope you're taking good care of our dad because we sure miss him.

I'm a lush for Lush

These little beauties are pretty enough to eat!  I just love to indulge in bath products, I'm sure I was a very wealthy woman in a former life...I'm sure my daughter was too.  These bath bombs, soaps, facial scrubs and lip balms are so decadent, if you haven't tried, do--you deserve it!  I choose this shop, Lush, because they never test on animals, all of their products are handmade and fabulous!

www.lush.com

I Love Love

I looked at a bunch of photography sites today and I came across a wedding photography site that inspired me.  So, I played around with these two little guys and came up with this shot.  It makes me smile, I hope it does the same for you.  Mmmmmwah!

ps. Yes, I ate them afterwards, is that wrong?

Whirling Dervish

I took my own advice and put the phone down, turned off the computer and went outside to play with my daughter today!  "Push me faster, FASTER!!!"  Is what she was saying, I used to love the same thing when I was her age.  After we played here we built a sand castle, with a moat, a bridge and plenty of windows for the animals to see out (her idea).  Fun day with mini-me.

Happy Birthday Lauri

To my Sister Friend, Lauri
We were so young when we first me, but your laugh is still the same.
Our wrinkles give away the years but the memories remain.
You have been by my side through thick and thin...through broken hearts and new loves.
Our lives have changed, grown, been happy, and sad, and through it all, I called you, you listened.  
You are the godmother to my daughter, you stood beside me when I said, "I do",
I love you, my friend, thank you for being you.

Happy Birthday, old lady! You're beautiful!

Beauty Beyond the Technology

I know, another picture of my iPhone...but when I was looking at it sitting on the table I caught a reflection of some flowers and it reminded me to put the phone down more often and look up.  Look at nature, my daughter, pet my dog, take a walk and (gasp) leave my phone behind.  All too often we see parents at the park with their kids and the kids are swinging or playing while the parent is sitting on the bench texting, checking email or playing candy crush (guilty).  Perhaps we should declare a no-tech hour each day and remember to stop and enjoy something living instead.  

Too Much Candy Crush

My hot, slippery fingerprints betray me, too much Candy Crush today!  

Small Miracles

Here's mini-me, reading without me even asking!  She came home from school happy about finding a book she liked and chose to READ instead of watch TV.  I would compare my excitement to the moment the Grinch's heart grew and grew and grew on Christmas thanks to Cindy Lou Who!  Since she is Little Miss Bossy Pants, she supervised the editing of this image and vetoed my decision to make this black and white, but I did please her by editing out the boo boos on her legs and feet.  All I can say is, thank God for small miracles!

ps. The ONLY reason she allowed me to post this image was because I earned a star (from her) by following my diet today.  Unreal.

Light Bright

My daughter played on this larger than life "Light Bright" at the amazing new Children's Museum in Austin today.  It was fun and took me back to when I used to play (for hours) on my own Light Bright when I was a kid, although, mine was exponentially smaller.  Being a kid is pretty awesome!

Check it out if you're in Austin:  The Thinkery:  www.thinkeryaustin.org

Cork Philosophy

I was shooting this pile of corks when I saw this goodie among them and thought, "how true!"  I would add, a meal without people you love is also like a day without sunshine.  I love the art of eating a three-hour meal with people you enjoy, people who allow you to be yourself (and still love you), people who are not looking at their phones or watches or thinking about anything but sitting there with you, in that moment, with wine.

I had one of those weekends with people I love and for that, I feel happy and grateful.

Wet Nose

I see this old, wet nose every time I walk my dog.  
I also see a wagging tail through the cracks of the fence.  
He's so friendly, he only wants to play, 
I wish I could release him, if only for a day.

Snow Globe

Here's a peek at a pretty little thing.  The child in me still loves to watch these tiny specs dance around inside the glass globe, wishing they would never settle…but they always do.  

Perfect Practice Makes Perfect

Everything you need to know in life, you learned in Kindergarden.  A few years ago, my daughter learned the saying "perfect practice makes perfect" and she's right.  I just hated my edit on the tulips yesterday so I did a reshoot and re-edit and feel much more satisfied now.  It wasn't exactly perfect so clearly I needed more practice, right?  Even though my poor little tulips are barely hanging on...I think they are much prettier today than they were yesterday.  I could say the same about myself.

Tulips in January

My love for flowers

a rose
a tulip
a dandelion
bring a twinkle to my eye
bring a curve to my lips
and warmth in my heart


a.m.f

I wish I knew the author of this pretty, little poem because I would thank her for capturing my feelings so eloquently.  I often buy myself flowers for just this reason.  They comfort me and remind me of all the beauty in the world.

Shadow Selfie

After spending dozens of hours recovering from my recent identity theft, I decided that this is the "me" I want strangers to see.  I am not yet ready to put myself back out into the world.  I've been stolen and I'm still recovering from this crime.  The fear and the anger still lingers.

Mad Hatters Tea Party

Here's my lovely friend, Susan at the Mad Hatters Tea Party last night.  She has been my guide to all the wonderful weirdness that makes up Austin.  This event was the 25th Birthday celebration of the Vortex Theater in SE Austin, it's quite indie and super fun!  

http://www.vortexrep.org

1st Confession

Today was our daughters' first confession.  She was terribly nervous (she called it "stage fright") but she found her courage, she mentally prepared and did great.  The priest was kind and washed away her fears and calmed her nerves.  When she walked out she said, "Mom, I'm going to do the dishes for you today.  Because, I love to wash dishes anyway."  Apparently, he told her to do something nice for me, obviously, she chose something she liked, but that's ok.  Then we sat in the pew and did her requisite 3 Hail Mary's and now we are off to Chuck-e-Cheese for her reward!  I wonder if my mom got to go out for pizza and video games when she had her 1st confession?  Somehow, I doubt it.  (I can almost hear her laughing from here.)

My Sweet

Took a snapshot with my iPhone tonight with my sweet mini-me.  Love her.

Birds on a Wire

I have watched these birds congregate here every morning as I drive my daughter to school.  It doesn't matter the weather (it was foggy this morning), they come and go but a steady presence remains and a lot of chirping ensues.  I wonder what they are saying to each other, if they bore each other with stories of the weather of if they impress each other with tales of near misses by fast moving trucks.  They are all black birds so I can't really tell if they are male or female but I have a hunch it's the males out there escaping the nest for the morning while Momma is weaving a new piece of hair in the bed or sitting on some eggs.  Who knows, but one thing I love to consider is that we are all social creatures, we all enjoy someone to talk to and even better, someone who listens.

Playing in Puddles

I've always enjoyed looking at the reflection of neon in the wet streets.  Now, Ricks Dry Cleaners is not nearly as sexy as the neon of Vegas, but it still makes a cool, glowing blur.  

Work Out!

Today was my Monday, which means back to the gym.  I have a love/hate relationship with these ropes and that darn ab roller.  Sometimes you just gotta do it and today, I did.  Yay!

ps. Little shout out to my amazing trainer at my Boot Camp class at Synergy Fitness!  http://synergyfitnessbootcamp.com

Still Life

Still life.  What beautiful, complex and calming words when put together.  I think we should all enjoy a bit of still life every day. This is mine, today.  I admire this little tile every day and remember the sweet friend who gave it to me years ago.  She called me her sunflower friend because those were the flowers I gave her when she was going through chemo (during her first of four years).  We remained friends to the end...and now I smile and remember. 

I think still life photography can be incredibly beautiful and inspiring, here are some examples I found on a fun website:

http://speckyboy.com/2012/07/22/30-stunning-examples-of-still-life-photography/

Corn Poppy...and she's all mine!

...ok, so she's a card that I framed, but I can enjoy seeing her every day now!  My friend, Lauri, and I took Siena to the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston, yesterday and we were both thrilled at how much my 7 year old loved it.  She devoured the Antonio Berni collection in which he artfully used recycled materials to embellish his series called "Juanito and Ramona" (http://www.mfah.org/exhibitions/antonio-berni-juanito-and-ramona/).  She asked the security guard if she was allowed to photograph them and was delighted to learn she was able to capture each piece with her iPad.  

Next, I fell in love with the piece you see here, "Corn Poppy" by Kees van Dongen.  She is so French to me.  She is simple but that bold, red hat and matching lips just mesmerize you.  So, I bought the card and happily framed her tonight to spice up our little apartment.  Here's a little more info on Dongen, if you please.  

Dongen, Kees van (1877-1968) - 1919c. The Corn Poppy

Kees van Dongen, was a Dutch painter and one of the Fauves. He gained a reputation for his sensuous, at times garish, portraits. He was born in the suburbs of Rotterdam. In 1892 van Dongen started his studies at the Royal Academy of Fine Arts in Rotterdam. Between 1892 to 1897, he frequented the Red Quarter seaport area, where he drew scenes of sailors and prostitutes. In 1899 he went to Paris. He began to exhibit in Paris, including the controversial 1905 exhibition Salon d'Automne, in a room featuring Matisse and others. The bright colors of this group of artists led to them being called Fauves ('Wild Beasts'). (If you're reading this, I LOVE that term!  hee hee) He was also briefly a member of the German Expressionist group Die Brücke (The Bridge). He was part of an avant-garde wave of painters—Maurice de Vlaminck, Othon Friesz, Henri Rousseau, Robert Delaunay, Albert Marquet, Edouard Vuillard—who incarnated hopes of a renewal in painting stuck in Neo-impressionism. In 1906 he moved to 13 rue Ravignan, where he was friends with the circle surrounding Pablo Picasso.

Under the influence of Jasmy Jacob, amongst others, Kees van Dongen developed the lush colors of his Fauvist style. This gained him a solid reputation with the French bourgeoisie. As a fashionable portraitist his subjects included Arletty, Leopold III of Belgium and Maurice Chevalier. With a playful cynicism he remarked of his popularity as a portraitist with high society women; ' The essential thing is to elongate the women and especially to make them slim. After that it just remains to enlarge their jewels. They are ravished.' A remark that allies itself to another of his sayings - ' Painting is the most beautiful of lies.' In 1926 he was awarded the Legion of Honour and in 1927 the Order of the Crown of Belgium. In 1929 he received French nationality and two of his works were admitted to the Musée du Luxembourg.

Waiting for a Butterfly

Here's my little girl, just sitting still, waiting (hoping) for a butterfly to land on her head.  We spent the afternoon at the Houston Museum of Natural History and stopped in the Butterfly Conservatory for a while with hopes of capturing a few beauties.  I caught this one and that's all I needed.  

Golden Arches

Raise your hand if you didn't think of McDonalds when you read the title of this post.  :)  We drive past these places ever day without thinking twice--until you're on a road trip and you're nearly out of gas and hungry enough to eat fast food!  We drove 6 hours today and 30 minutes from our destination we stopped here and I was reminded how much comfort I take in the familiar.

Happy Places

When I stand before the waves I often feel like this little bird, small but safe.  I think this is why the ocean (or any large body of water I can't see across) is my happy place.  Some days, though, I feel like a scared, overwhelmed little bird who can't remember how to fly away.  Like my wings aren't talking to my brain and I forgot that I could fly away before the powerful waves suck me in.  I felt like that when I woke up in the middle of the night last night.  I felt powerless and scared and completely overwhelmed by my perceived problems.  Then I remembered to pray.  I remembered that  my wings are my prayers and I could use them to fly from danger and into a safer, happier place.  It wasn't the instant relief I craved but it was a start...my path feels a lot less challenging today.

Happy New Year 2014

It's a new year, there's so much hope for better things, fresh starts and fulfillment of self-made promises.  Are you the type of person who makes a list of resolutions?  Do you stick with them?  Does this make you happy?  

I would rather promise myself to "try harder" at something or "do better" than last year...work harder at sticking to my diet, try harder to get published, get my work into a gallery or meditate more often than last year...but this year, I'm trying something new.  I'm setting a goal and I'm going to try my best to stick to it.  I'm not telling though...just in case.